


"WHO NEEDS SPACE?" MORE LIKE WHO NEEDS A LIFE NOT DOUG AND MARTHA

by agentcalliope



Series: A Doug's Life [7]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: DOUG CANT, Doug and Joey fangirl, Doug calls Joey, F/M, Friendship/Love, Joey is over the moon, Kissing, Love, MARTHA CANT, THEY JUST CANT, True Love's Kiss, its too much, spoilers for 3x17, sweet Joey, who is now fs trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-03 09:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6605575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentcalliope/pseuds/agentcalliope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doug is dead. Doug cannot process what has happened. Give Doug a couple of days to form coherent thoughts and then you can read Doug's thoughts on YOU KNOW WHAT.</p><p>Martha's just been screaming.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Doug is dead.

* * *

 

 

Doug is dead. Doug cannot process what has happened. Give Doug a couple of days to form coherent thoughts and then you can read Doug's thoughts on YOU KNOW WHAT.


	2. DOUG AND MARTHA ARE BOTH DEAD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doug is just doing what he always does before bedtime- write fanfiction.
> 
> But then Martha rushes in and she's screaming and holding a computer.
> 
> thats when they both witness a scene that WATERS THEIR CROPS CLEARS THEIR SKIN ENDS WORLD HUNGER AND BRING WORLD PEACE.

* * *

 

It’s late, and after all the ruckus at the base with the Inhumans the kids have gone to bed so in his usual nighttime ritual, Doug is writing fanfiction.

He prefers to read, but sometimes it’s infuriating when he really wants to read about a certain idea and everything’s either:

  1. not written the way he wants it to be.
  2. written the way he wants it to be but OOC characters.
  3. not it.



 

_I gotta do everything myself god this is ridiculous there’s 8,432 members on SHIELDfsff.com and not ONE OF THEM has written a fic where Fitzsimmons time travel to the Jurassic period and fight dinosaurs with their wits and fall in love in the process NOT ONE OF THEM._

Doug’s fingers are blazing across his keyboard and he’s in the _zone_ so he doesn’t notice when Martha runs into their bedroom with her computer in her hands until she’s basically screaming his name.

 

“DOUG DOUG DOUG DOUG DOUG DOUG DOUG DOUG DOUG DOUG DOUG DOUG.”

 

He startles and his computer almost flies off his lap.

“Martha!! What’s wrong??”

 

“NOTHING’S WRONG EVERYTHING’S RIGHT DOUG I CAN’T BREATHE.”

 

He’s really curious to see what she’s talking about so he sets his work aside, moves over, and Martha jumps into bed with him placing the computer on a pillow between them.

“What is this?”

 

Martha shushes him.

 

Directly on the screen facing Doug and Martha are Fitzsimmons, debating on how to check the Inhumans for infection.

 

Doug feels his heart beat faster when he sees how comfortable they are with each other when he has a rather nosy thought.

“Martha… is this live? How are we watching them?”

 

Her eyes are focused on the screen and she flicks her hand at him.

“I, uh, I bugged their rooms.”

 

_SHE DID WHAT._

 

“Martha that is an invasion of their privacy!”

 

“Oh, you’re just mad YOU didn’t think of it! Now shush I _know_ something’s going to happen I can feel it in my gut.”

 

Okay maybe he’s a little peeved he didn’t think of it but it’s kinda creepy and weird but then again so is hiding in the vents to watch Fitz watch Simmons’ videos BUT THAT’S A STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME.

 

Martha squeals.

“SHUT UP SHUT UP IT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN I CAN FEEL IT.”

 

_I didn’t say anything???? AND WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN???  
_

Simmons has been gazing at something above the camera, so Doug figures Martha had hidden the camera on the counter and Simmons must be looking at the picture of the galaxy on the wall.

 

_DON’T ASK HOW I KNOW THAT I PLEAD THE FIFTH._

Simmons’s eyes look weary and full of experience, as if she’s seen too much.

“One of these days, we'll find something out in space that's magnificent, right? Not trying to infect us or kill us like Hive.”

 

_YO FRICK HIVE HE’S NOT EVEN WORTH MENTIONING JUST THINK ABOUT FITZ AND LOVE OK GOOD GOOD._

Fitz turns to face her and scrunches his nose, WHICH _IS TOO DAMN ADORABLE._

“What's Hive? Couldn't even get off a desert planet without us, so, we'll sort him out.”

 

Simmons scotches down and leans her head on Fitz's shoulder.

“I just want to help our friends.”

 

Martha and Doug are both chewing on their thumbnailss and leaned forward into the screen.

 

Fitz hesitates before he tilts his head on top of hers.

“I know.”

 

“MARTHA WHAT IS HAPPENING”

  
  
“DOUG DOUG DOUG I THINK ITS GONNA HAPPEN”

 

“ _NO!!_ ”

  
“ _YESSSSS!!_ ”

  
“YOU MEAN-”

  
"YES!!!!”

  
“BUT HOW???”

  
“DO NOT QUESTION A WOMAN’S INTUITION.”

 

“HOLY SHIT MARTHA DID YOU SEE THAT.”

 

“YES YES I DID IT IS NOT A DRILL THEY’RE HOLDING HANDS.”

 

“ARE WE GONNA GET LUCKIER??”

 

“WE ARE I _KNOW_ IT.”

 

Fitz and Simmons look at each other, and time stands still.

 

“HE’S GOING IN FOR IT.”

 

“SHE’S GOING IN FOR IT.”

 

When Fitz and Simmons kiss, Doug and Martha are clutching each other and watching through their tears.

 

“DOUUUUGGGGGGG IS THIS REAL LIFEEEEE I FEEL SO BLESSED.”

 

“I THINK I PEED MYSELF MARTHA I CAN’T.”

 

“OH MY GOD HE WENT FOR IT AGAIN DOUG DOUG DOUG I THINK I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK.”

 

“SHE KISSED HIM BACK MARTHA HOLD ME I FEEL FAINT.”

 

Fitz suddenly breaks away from the kiss.

 

“NOOOOO.” Doug and Martha both scream.

 

Fitz apologizes and bends over.

“Sorry. Uh, sorry. I know everything's well and starting over and I didn't mean to push too fast.”

 

Doug and Martha scream together again.

“NO ARE YOU KIDDING ME SHE’S BEEN MAKING HEART EYES AT YOU FOREVER GOD MEN ARE SO BLIND.”

 

Simmons laughs.

“Too fast? Fitz, it's been 10 years. We can't waste any more time.”

 

Martha applauds and shakes her head while Doug whoops and pumps his fist in the air.

 

_F YEAH JEMMA SIMMONS TELLING HER MAN WHAT IS UP HOLLA_

Fitz looks at her confused.

“Really? Cause I thought that-”

 

“Really! And since we're cursed, or whatever nonsense-”

 

“Oh I said that one time!”

 

_SHE’S ALREADY TEASING HIM ABOUT THE COSMOS COMMENT OH MY GOD I CAN’T ITS TOO MUCH I THINK I’M DYING_

Martha sobs next to him, clutching her shirt.

 

Fitz and Simmons speak at the same time and it’s hard for Doug to understand what they’re saying but no worries he’s probably gonna watch this 388400 times so there’s no rush.

 

And that’s just for _this_ week.

 

Jemma speaks quietly but full of confidence.

“I'm tired of seeing our friends ripped apart from each other. That can't happen to us again, won't let it.”

 

 _WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEE_ Doug wonders.

 

Martha wails.

“WHY DO THEY DO THIS TO ME??”

 

_SAME MARTHA SAMEEE_

Fitz replies.

“Then we won't let it.”

 

_GOOD FRICKING BYE I AM OUT_

 

“Who needs space? Cause I've got something magnificent right here.”

 

“DOUG DOUG THAT WAS SO CHEESY BUT SO FRICKING ADORABLE WHY WHY IS FITZ SO PERFECT AND SIMMONS' SO PERFECT.”

 

“I DON’T KNOW MARTHA IT’S NOT FAIR I DON’T DESERVE THIS.”

 

“I DON’T DESERVE THIS EITHER.”

 

"WE DON'T DESERVE THISSSS." Martha and Doug cling to each other and sob.

 

Simmons smiles and _OH MY GOD SHE’S LEANING IN FOR ANOTHER KISS WHAT IS THIS-_

Fitz turns away and looks at the camera (okay it's really the picture on the wall).

“A picture. Of space.”

 

Martha and Doug groan.

_SHUT UP AND KISS THE GIRL DAMMIT SHE WANTS IT I AM LIVID._

_**MEN.** _

_SERIOUSLY._

Simmons laughs and Fitz continues.

“One of my prized possessions, that is. And I don't know why it makes a significance-”

“Okay.”

 

_SHE JUST SHUT HIM UP WITH A KISS JEMMA FRICKING SIMMONS JUST JUMPED LEOPOLD FITZ AND NOW SHE IS SHUTTING HIM UP WITH KISSES HE’S STILL TALKING OH MY GOD NOPE NOW HE’S KISSING HER BACK I HAVE WITNESSED HEAVEN ON EARTH._

 

 

“QUICK- MARTHA REWIND.”

 

“I’M ALREADY AHEAD OF YOU BABE.”

 

_I WILL NEVER QUESTION A WOMAN'S INTUTION AGAIN._

 

_MARTHA HOW COULD I HAVE EVER DOUBTED YOU?!?!_

 

 

 

_THIS IS GREATER THAN ANY FANFIC COULD’VE DONE I HAVE ASCENDED I FEEL SO POWERFUL._

 

_FITZSIMMONS IS CANON._

 

 

_I REPEAT:_

 

_FITZSIMMONS_

 

_IS_

 

_CANON_

 

 

 

**_SUCK IT JEFF._ **

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to welldonefitz for the idea about the vents! :D


	3. the Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doug finally calms himself down enough to call someone he knows will appreciate what just happened

* * *

 

 

After Doug and Martha watch the video 56 times, he remembers his most recent convert and immediately knows that he's gonna wanna know THIS.

 

He's pulling out his mobile and walking into the bathroom for privacy before he calls back to Martha, who's still blotting her eyes with a tissue.

"Martha I gotta make a phone call DON'T WATCH IT AGAIN WITHOUT ME."

 

"I MAKE NO PROMISES." She exclaims back.

 

_okay gotta make this quick I have more watching to do I need to memorize that scene by tomorrow. I mean I don't HAVE to but will I HELL YES._

 

He dial's the number and the phone rings a bit before the other person on the phone picks up.

 

"Hola?"

 

"Joey?????"

 

"Doug? can't talk right now I'm still waiting to hear back about Dr. Simmons comi-"

 

"SHE'S NOT GONNA COME."

 

"what? why?"

 

"BECAUSE ABOUT 25 MINUTES AGO SHE AND FITZ WERE **KISSING."**

 

"..."

 

"WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME 25 MINUTES AGO THEN????"

 

"I WAS TOO BUSY FREAKING OUT YOU'RE LUCKY I'M TAKING THE TIME OUT FROM WATCHING IT AGAIN TO TALK TO YOU!"

 

"OH MY GOD."

 

"I KNOW."

 

"I DON'T EVEN CARE HOW YOU SAW IT OR HOW YOU CAN WATCH IT ON REPEAT I'M JUST SO FRICKING EXCITED THEY KISSED??????? I THOUGHT WE WOULD HAVE TO WAIT TILL 3X18 TO GET OUR KISSES."

 

"I KNOW MAN RIGHT???? THEY TOTALLY SNUCK ONE ON US!!! I WAS NOT PREPARED LIKE I WAS FOR THE FIRST ONE."

 

"THOSE SNEAKY BIOTCHES TOLD US IT WAS THE EPISODE WE WERE WAITING FOR I JUST ASSUMED IT WAS ABOUT YOYO AND I JOINING THE SECRET WARRIORS BUT IT WAS ALSO ABOUT THIS."

 

"OH MY GOSH YOU'RE RIGHT!!"

 

"WAIT YOU HAVE TO TELL ME MORE."

 

"THEY DID THE FOREHEAD KISS."

 

"NO. THEY. DIDN'T."

 

"YES THEY DID."

 

"DOUG I'M CRYING."

 

"I FEEL YOU BRO."

 

"ITS LIKE I DON'T EVEN CARE WHAT HAPPENS FOR THE REST OF THE DAY I'M SO HAPPY."

 

"AND AND AND AND AND"

 

"AND WHAT???"

 

"AND WHEN HE MADE A JOKE SHE LAUGHED AND SAID OKAY BEFORE SHE SHUT HIM UP WITH KISSES."

 

"NO."

 

"YES."

 

"GOD IS REAL."

 

"YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN."

 

"GOD IS REAL."

 

"oh Joey my sweet innocent cinnamon roll, too pure for this world bless your heart OMG GUESS WHAT ELSE."

 

"THERE'S MORE??? HOW MUCH GREATER CAN THIS POSSIBLY GET??"

 

"SHE TEASED HIM ABOUT _THE CURSE_."

 

"OH MY FRICKING GOD YES."

 

"JEMMA SIMMONS IS BAEEEE."

 

"JEMMA SIMMONS IS **LIFE**."

 

"I'M SO IN LOVE WITH THEIR LOVE."

 

"YOU KNOW I LIKE HAD A DATE BEFORE I WAS PULLED AWAY FOR THIS MISSION AND NOW I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT HIM ANYMORE I JUST WANNA THINK ABOUT FITZSIMMONS FOREVER WHO CARES ABOUT ACTUALLY HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WHEN YOU CAN LIVE THROUGH THEM???"

 

"I'M JUST LUCKY MY WIFE IS JUST AS BAD AS ME."

 

"Okay but seriously I NEED to see this."

 

Doug thinks a bit, and who is he to have a monopoly on the BEST THING EVER????

 

"Okay come over tomorrow after my kids go to school and we'll watch it!!"

 

"Bless you."

 

"10:00 am?"

 

"CAN'T WAIT. GONNA GO THINK ABOUT IT UNTIL THEN."

 

"SEE YA."

 

Doug grins and hangs up the phone, buzzing with thoughts about watching it with Joey.

 

Because if there's anything better than watching FS kiss, then it's watching someone _else_ watch the kiss when you know what's gonna happen.

 

Doug chuckles and rubs his hands together as he walks out the bathroom door.

 

_it's gonna be a great week._

 

 

"MARTHA ARE YOU WATCHING IT???"

 

"OF COURSE I AM DOUG I'M STILL NOT CONVINCED IT'S REAL LIFE IT'S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE."

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> still trying to calm myself and Doug down guys I NEED TO REWATCH THE SCENE A THOUSAND MORE TIMES BEFORE I STOP SCREAMING ENOUGH TO WRITE ABOUT IT.


End file.
